Missed Opportunities in Life and Death

Today I received the most devastating news, my grandmother passed away...My family is devastated, our grandmother was a matriarch in our family someone who our family looked up. Or at least that is what I was told, the truth is I never met my grandmother. This was the woman that raised my mother. The one who molded her to be the women that she is.

I was never able to meet my grandmother because she lived in the country of Dominica. Dominica is a country in the West Indies and due to my schedule and lack of resources, I never made the trip.

The funny thing about memories is that they always seem to come from something, they come from shared experiences, from shared realities..The challenge I have with this situation is that I never was able to shape complete memories of her, I was never able to share my own experiences..

The grief my Mom and her side of the family feel must be unreal, must be heavy and yet I must admit I can't share those feelings with them.

In a weird way, my grief over this comes from a place where I can't share the grief with them, because I don't have memories with my grandmother.

Life is simply too short: Sometimes we are giving chances to reflect on the things we want to do and we are given time (whether short or long) to do those things. Last night before she passed, I told one of best friends that I need to go back home one day and see her.

The truth is, I said that ever 2-3 years, I said that I would go and never did. Now I missed my opportunity to know her. This is what I call a Missed Opportunity.

Many of us have gone through life, saying we will do this, or remarking that we will do that, but sometimes, we never take the chance...we never take the leap...and we are left with a missed opportunity and later regret. 

Today, has reminded me about this feeling...it has reminded me that there are plenty of things I want to do, plenty of things I need to see. Things that I will one day may regret. 

However, I also recognize that the beautiful thing about life is that no matter how much you accomplish, we as human beings will always push to do more, to be more and that life has only one true limit and that is time.

Therefore, regret to some extent is unavoidable because we can't do everything we want to do in life and therefore the best thing we can do is to live life to fullest, prioritize what we want to accomplish and take realistic steps to get there. 

The best thing we can do, is to create a list in our mind and prioritize that... Here is mine..(In no particular order.. yet :-) )

• Travel to the West Indies
• Make another trip to Canada
• Get Married...maybe have a kid or two...
• Become a President of a University
• Skydive
• Run the Amazing Race
• Learn how to Swim 
• Learn how to ride a bike
• Learn stick-shift

The list is endless, because in my life I'm always looking for the next thing to do. 

My Mother, the smallest lady there :)

I also like to believe that every person lives an imprint or impression on this world. My grandmother in life and in death left an impact on this world. One of the biggest way she did was raising my own mom. My mom, Hyma, is probably one of the sweetest people you would ever meet. She always puts the well being of others in front of herself. She is always willing to sacrifice for her family. My mom is one of the most amazing people I will ever know

In this way, my grandmother lives on within her and in this way, my mom is a living memory of the person my grandmother must have been. Traits like that come from the family you have and the influence they have on you. While I may never shared memories with my grandmother, I know my mom and in that way her memory lives on.

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Life is too short, but there are things we can do to value the time we have, prioritize what we want to do and ultimately value the people we love. 

I will live you with this post, which reflect a little of what I spoke about tonight..from Harry Potter.

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The Journey of an Amazing Dean requires support!

RIP..First Apartment (13534)

A lot has happen over the past few days! I moved out of my first apartment and I couldn't have been happier. This was a big step in my life, for the first time, I felt I was beginning to transition into a new phase of my life..in many cases a fresh start. A lot has happen in my first apartment in queens. From earning my MBA to fostering life-long friendships to falling in love and out of love..This place was a significant part of my life, one that in someways I will miss..RIP 13534, let the memories live on in my head :-)

So now out with the old and in with the new..This past weekend I moved into my new place which is located in the heart of Forest Hills. It a much nicer location and one that I think will be a great place to open myself up to new experiences. I couldn't be happier.

Assistant Dean James, this guy is going around the world!

During my transition, I couldn't help but think about the people that truly were helping me through some of the personal problems I was going through. My Family, friends and even co-workers provide with a support system. The truth is as an Assistant Dean, I act as a support system for hundreds of students everyday, but the truth is that we all need that system. And I am no better...we sometimes try to be Superman but in hindsight, we all have weakness, we all have kryptonite.

It is in our darkest moments where we need our friends/family/co-workers to give us strength where we didn't have it before.

Before I commit to the Amazing Race, I need to understand completely who is my true support system, who can I put my faith in and who will be there with me right to the very end!

In Tyler Perry's, Madea goes to Jail, the lead character said something that I believe was insightful about who is your true support system... It goes like this...

"If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let - them - go!

Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you're always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they're over there... wind blow that way they over here... they're unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they're gone. That's alright. Most people are like that, they're not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. That's all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf. 

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, cause they'll fool you. They'll make you think they're a good friend and they're real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren't going nowhere. They aren't worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don't have to know what they're doing for you but if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live. 

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it... just let it go. Let folks go."
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When I read these quotes from Madea and I have to be honest, they do seem profound and quite insightful. If we are the tree, then who are our leaves, that are unstable, our branches who can break and leave you high and dry and finally who are our roots that will always be there.

Recently I discovered a few people in my life that are branches..People that I thought would be my support system, but the minute things became hard or things had to become difficult they left me high and dry...

The truth is...It's Ok...because in the end I will forgive them, as I hope they can forgive me. In many ways, we tend to define people as twigs, but the truth is, perhaps we were twigs to one another. Sometimes we need to evolve and sometimes we need time to evolve.

Who are my Roots?

There are only a few people that I consider my roots... first my family..

Left to Right: Tiffany, Mom, Dad, Me, Aunt Annette, Aunt Daff, Aunt Lana

Lisa and Ethan

Growing up my family was always my base, they raised me from birth, they taught my values and ultimately made me the person I am today...They are also the people that when I have my challenges, they give me hope, they give me strength and they give me the will keep moving forward.

Beyond my family, I also have my friends.

Nick 

Adela and Janine

Far Right: Leighann

Nick, Adela, Janine, Leighann and Ebony (Not pictured) for over 7 years, these people have been a cornerstone of my life in college, and even beyond... while we were not always together, we were always there for one another and through everything that has happened, we have built lifelong bonds.

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Ultimately, I believe that my friends and family will be there to support me through anything including the race, they are my roots, but the final point that Madea makes which makes me think about who I know will be there to support me is the following..

"If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let - them - go!

Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you're always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

Some people are meant to be there forever while others are only meant to be there for a season and we have to know which is which....These seasonal people are considered my leaves...


So before I embark on my journey to the race..my roots (my family and friends will be there to support me. An Amazing Dean needs support from Amazing people.

Who do I want to be?

Here is an interesting scenario..

Three men who recently passed away are presented with the opportunity to return to earth to live another life, but must first pass a judgement from God. 

God ask the first man, "Why should you return to earth?"

The first man replies: "..Because I will be person who will always be right!"

God walks away from that man..

He walks to the second man and ask: "Why should you return to earth?"

The second man replies:..."I want to the best person!"

God walks away from that man..

He walks to the third man and ask: "Why should you return to earth?"

The third man replies:..."I want to be a better person.."

God tells the third man..that he can return to earth...

In this scenario... being the better person was perhaps considered the simplest thing a person can do, but in this scenario it was also the most powerful thing one can do. 

While being right and being the best may seem to be admirable goals, do they unlock the greatest potential a person has...

If I tried to become the best person I can be, am I striving for continuous growth or rather is it  perfection? Am I pushing for a goal I can't obtain...

If I tried to be the one who is always right..am  I respecting the opinions and views of my fellow man or am I ignoring them for my own "sometimes" selfish views...

Ultimately, in this situation..I will always choose to be the better person...I accept that I am not a perfect person, nor am I always right...rather I know that I want to be the better person..I want to develop and change for the better and to recognize that I can be better. 

In this way I learn, I adapt, I change to survive...this is where I plateau for the greatest impact and where I expect to be. This is where I generate my impact.