I'll Make a Man Out of You!

The overwhelming support for my quest to join the Amazing Race has been nothing sort of incredible. In just a few days, the support from my friends and family have been overwhelming. 

In a short time, my introductory video had pulled over 65 likes in a matter of  2 days!

On twitter, I have added 7 new followers, including Taye Diggs! (not sure how that happened but hey..)

Taye Diggs follows me now!

Today's post is reflection of the idea of  self transformation through admitting your faults, discovering your true strength and accepting your decisions and consequences.

Of course, I think from the title, you can imagine that all of the above refers to what I believe "is the transformation of when I boy becomes a man". The reference comes from a song from a Disney film.. Mulan. Its a great film and a great song you should check it out :)

Recently, I made the decision to move out of my apartment, in queens...It was not an easy decision to do that..it was one that was made at a time of great despair. I gave my landlord less than 2 weeks notice, under the impression that since I was out of lease for over two years that it would be ok and I would get my deposit back...

This was not the case, normally in NYC, we are suppose to give at least 30 days notice...My landlord felt that this wasn't enough time, so as a penalty, he was going to give me half of my deposit instead of the full.

I got angry.. I was mad because in my mind, I felt that with no lease, I was ok to do that...The truth is I was wrong and being unfair to them. I had also mentioned to them, that I would give them at least 20 days and I broke that agreement by abruptly leaving.

I remember yelling and making a big deal out of the situation. Blaming them, and others for this problem I was in now. I remember fighting myself about the situation. 

However in the end, I realize that there was no one else to blame but myself. I had made the decision in the end to choose to leave,early and to choose to not give the landlord enough time to find someone to take over the place. The whole situation from start to finish was a product of my decisions and I alone am to blame. 

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What do I take away from this?

There are a few lessons I learned from this experience. 

1. The decisions you make almost always consequences, accept them and embrace them... I had explained to the landlord that I would move in the best time for all parties. However when my situation changed, so did our agreement, and of course there would be consequences. The 1/2 deposit was in hindsight more than fair, there wasn't enough time for them to find someone to take over..in this case, we had to share the pain..

(There is some good news that came after this..so keep reading)

2. Your word is worth more than money.. I believe that keeping our word is probably the most important thing one can do. When I told my landlord that I would stay longer and didn't...a breach in a contract happen..Not just in the sense legally, but socially. Saying one thing and doing another will allow people to lose trust in you and that is worse than taking away money. I had worked hard to maintain a positive relationship especially with my first landlord.

3. Express yourself...It will help you to cope... We have a tendency to believe that self expression of negative emotions is a bad thing...I recently started to accept the fact that this is the healthiest way to deal with them..get them out as quickly as possible. This will help you with the final point...

4. Be a Man, accept your feelings and move on... We are not perfect people!, we all make mistakes, we all make bad decisions, accept that is ok to be mad or sad and begin the process of moving on from it. I think this quote sums up what you can do..

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So what happened in the end? 

I'm so excited!

After I was mad and let those feelings pass, I called the landlord, I wanted to apologize for my behavior to recognize that I was wrong to accept the penalty and to move on...

Turns out, the opposite happened..The landlord felt that after the 4 years of being a great tenant, he wanted to maintain a positive relationship and decided to give me 75% of my deposit and called it even.. I was excited, I felt that was more than fair. In this way, a lot of what I said helped me to move on and for me to still come out as a winner in the end..

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Final Thoughts? 

Don't cheat when becoming a Man ;-)

I looked back at this situation and recognize that there are things I should have done better, there are things I needed to do better. One day I would hope that my story could be used as a way for others to learn about what it takes to transform from a boy who blames everything on others to a Man that accepts the world for what it is.. 

This is a part of a wonderful transformation that I am choosing to make before my chance to run the amazing race #amazingrace. 

My all time favorite show..."How I Met Your Mother"

One day, I want to be able to look at my Kids..(if I have any) and tell them that their father, made some silly mistakes growing up, but it was also through those mistakes where he finally became a man and that those mistakes are important to make..

They will learn to be a man (woman) from me.

Thanks,

Kevin

The Amazing Dean Announcement!

Here is my announcement for my intention to apply for the Amazing Race! #amazingrace!

Challenges are meant to be conquered!

In life, we are all faced with unique and interesting challenges. Life usually presents us with a mountain to climb and ask us to conquer that. Or sometimes it presents us with a Hulk...:)



Either way sometimes we end up like this....


Of course what we realize is that it is never easy. Recently I was tasked with conquering one of the biggest challenges in my life...heartbreak. A few months ago, my ex broke up with me and it was one of the most difficult moments in my life.

Sometimes I feel like Loki here...beat up, exhausted and maybe a little frustrated, but sometimes life throws these challenges our way and sometimes we are just not ready to face them. We can have everything going for us, a great job, semi-good looks, a good family, a great home...but it can take that one impossible task to set us back. The one thing that will make us/remind us that we are only human. I realize that my greatest challenge so far in life is moving past this in the most healthy way.

I have a hard time learning the following..."I'm only human, I'm not perfect." In one of my earlier posts I had mentioned that I wanted to be the very best for the Amazing Race..., but in my opinion, being the very best isn't being perfect. One of my mentors once told me,

"true growth isn't demanding perfection, but rather insisting on continuous improvement"

I want to grow and become stronger, I want to move on in the best way possible and ultimately I want to compete on the Amazing Race. My development for the race starts in stages..

1. Mental Development
2. Spiritual Development
3. Physical Development

The first stage, begins now...its tackling the interpersonal problems I have in my life and finding the most healthy to deal with them.

How do we face our challenges?

This is the hardest question to answer but throughout my recent challenges I came up with a few suggestions. The first came from one of my best friends in the world...

Seek help, when you need it and accept help when you get it..

This is probably the hardest thing to do in life, whenever we are faced with our greatest challenges, we believe we have to face it alone...the truth is we are never truly alone..

Ask for help when you need it, because if you never ask you never get, and sometimes it's important to get out of your own way to reach your goals and challenges

The next piece of advice I received from another one of my close friends..

Be patient with yourself...

Sometimes we get frustrated when nothing goes right, we want to throw in the towel. But the truth is, growth is not meant to be easy, its not meant to be fast, it can take a lifetime to truly develop..and even if we think we have made it to the end of our development.

My final piece of advice is to...

Change your perceptions..

Sometimes a mountain can be a hill...its all about perception..It all about your attitude towards it. Making the conscious choice to change your perception is never easy, but I found out recently that there are a few concrete. ways of facing your own challenges.. (Credit: http://www.wikihow.com/Face-Challenges) 

In the end...no matter where we are in our lives, and where we going to be...Challenges are meant to be conquered! Now it's time to face mine and I hope that this post will help you to face yours..

Thanks, 

Kevin 

What an Amazing Dean can't do?

Good Morning,

For the past few days, I have been reflecting on what my biggest concerns are for the race and what I need to work on before I go on the race. These "fears" are things I want to

Overcome..
Be better at...



For starters, For example, I can't ride a bike..

SURPRISE!!
While I know that there are many people in this world that cant ride a bike, there is a still a small stigma about those who don't know how to ride a bike. In general for many adults it is a product of never learning or in general a fear of the mechanics of a bike. In fact I learned how to drive before I learned how to ride a bike. This summer I have signed up to take an adult learn to ride bike class. I hope to that this will allow me to master a bike in time for the race since on every edition of the race, someone has to ride a bike..

The next thing I need to overcome...I can't Swim...

I never learned how to Swim while I was growing up, for my family while we did travel to the beach every summer, there was a silly fear my parents had that the Coney Island waters were dangerous. In addition, I never knew about Community Pools, where I could learn. This summer and throughout the year, I plan to take swimming lessons! As I know I will need it. 

Finally...I can't drive Stick!

Stick Shift has always been something most people don't know to do. For me, I feel like its a requirement since most of the world using manual versus the United States.

Over the next few months, I will be documenting my progress on these things, so watch out! I will be become better and stronger...

Kevin 

My Journey as the Amazing Dean begins now..

My name is Kevin James, I'm 25 years old, I currently work as an Assistant Dean at St. John's University and I love my job.. For sometime now I have been thinking that its time for me to go beyond my comfort zone and to challenge myself to grow...emotionally, physically and spiritually. 

To create expectations for myself and to exceed those expectations in every way possible. I have for sometime being thinking of ways that I can do this...and eventually after hours of watching TV :-) , I came up with one way that I can attain this...

While I know The Amazing Race is a reality show at it's basic level...I see the race as an opportunity for me to become better and stronger. For the past few years, I have let my doubts/fears impede my growth. Now I want to challenge myself to become better and stronger..

Therefore, I make a pledge to train/prepare to apply for the race in one year...that means that this platform...this blog will be a medium where I will share my progress. 

While I can't guarantee that I would be selected to be apart of the Amazing Race in a future season...I want to use this blog/medium as a way to inspire people to achieve personal/professional growth by seeing me through my triumphs and through my falls.

Life is Journey...and the journey is just as important as the end (goal)...I want to take the next year to grow emotionally, spiritually and physically because ...

:-) I want to apply to the Amazing Race as the best "Kevin Tyrone James" I can be...therefore this is the medium where I document my Journey to "Be the Best"...

-Kevin